Deep Plaid One guy trying to make some interesting decisions

An Idiot’s Perspective on Piracy

Posted on March 1, 2010

Hi there my name is Slashy P. Dott, and I'd like to express my opinions about PC games!

PC games are the best! Especially FPSes. I want to mention right now that anyone who plays an FPS on a console is both a baby and an idiot, and also simultaneously a child.

How can they play that way? Don't they realize that a mouse and keyboard give you perfect precision and that analog sticks give you no precision whatsoever? This is obviously an insoluble problem, and anyone who thinks that they have made, or played, a console FPS that is fun, is smoking the crack weed! Guess what: you may think you're having fun, but you can't be so you aren't! You should play PC games so that your console toddler games will no longer be any fun to you.

Now that I've irrefutably established the supreme sweetness of PC games, I'd like to move on and speak about the problems PC games are experiencing today!

The biggest problem with PC gaming today is that they keep putting DRM on the games! It's ridiculous, they make it so hard to pirate play the game! Why would they create such a hassle for their hackers loyal customers? And don't they know that DRM is pointless because me and my friends evil hackers somewhere can crack any form of DRM within hours of the game's release? So they might as well not use any DRM at all and save us themselves a lot of trouble! They just need to learn that if you make a PC game, it will be hacked, period!

If only the game creators would just accept that! I'm sure the day that they accept that and stop spending their money on DRM is the day that they'll approve bigger budgets for making these PC games even more fun for us to steal.

The second biggest problem with PC games is:  for some reason they're making fewer games for the PC these days! This really baffles and frustrates me! Like I said, I love PC games and all of my friends do too. We play them all the time! In fact I just installed 20 PC games today, and then I shared recommended them to my friends, who also installed them minutes later!

So PC gaming is obviously super popular, so why would they stop making these games? It's almost like they'd rather make console games for some reasons; in fact a lot of games get a PC version much later than the console version, or not at all! And when a PC version comes out it usually feels like a port of the console version! All of this angers me and I want to know whose fault it all is!

Take the PC version of Modern Warfare 2! Boy I like talking about that game! A LOT!!! The developers of that game completely violated a sacred covenant which they had made with us PC gamers in ancient times! They took away our dedicated servers, which we liked because they supported playing cracked copies user-made mods!

Yet for some reason developers keep trying to put barriers in our way us enjoying their games for free. Luckily the PC gamer community knows exactly how to respond: we they cracked the multiplayer portion of MW2 within days of release!!! Oh man, did that ever show the developers! Try to control how we use your product will you? Haha, nice try suckers!

Man, I can't wait until they release Modern Warfare 3 for the PC. I bet they've learned their lesson, and it will have full dedicated server support, and no DRM at all!

Of course not every genre of PC game is going away. MMOs are still doing very well on the PC... but I don't really play those because they cost money. I mean, too much money.

Finally I'd like to complain about this Assassin's Creed 2 thing. See what they've done is make it so that you have to have constant internet access while playing the game; and in fact the game saves and loads your game data from over the internet!

Of course they say this actually gives the player a significant value-add, because they can then access their saved games from any machine, and it prevents losing their saved games if their hard drive crashes! Then they try to say that maybe this is a DRM scheme that is not only relatively non-intrusive (since most gamers are constantly connected to the internet anyway, and they play plenty of other games like Counter-Strike that require nonstop internet connection already); but that it will be very difficult for hackers to break; and that the save-game features actually work to make it a win/win for both developers and customers!

This, is, of course, all stupid and only serves to make me the hackers angrier. So guess what, Ubisoft? I'm going to not buy your game. Yeah that's right, you just lost yourself a sale. How do you feel about that? I hope you see the consequences of your actions now.

So to sum up my position: I love PC games; I steal them constantly feel strongly that they should be DRM-free; and I'm deeply frustrated and confused by the fact that people keep making fewer of them and moving to the console market!!

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go take a piss in the town well again. By the way has anyone else noticed that the water around here has been tasting funny lately? Someone needs to figure that out and fix it!!!

Art or Product?

Posted on January 21, 2010

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